Spring was so hard. God knows I can't remember winter-- that was hard too. I probably spent most of it crying because school is ridiculous. Anywho, after driving home on a lovely afternoon with this blasting, I seemed to get into a few really great (and expensive) schools all at once. I was jumping and shouting all over the place, but deep down, I kinda knew I wouldn't be able to go. I remember waiting until everyone had left the house, lying on the floor, and blasting this, sobbing and singing as if it would help me.
However, I told myself not to give up. This was one of the first songs I'd heard off of Two Suns and I remember sitting and thinking Natasha Khan had written this song for me. I took solace in her advice: "don't sacrifice your plan / 'cuz it will come back to you..."
Some seniors freak the FUCK out about prom. I, on the other hand, was a total skeptic after a super shitty junior prom, and instead went to the dollar theatre with some friends. I was endlessly encouraged to go, but I was really only in it for the after party, which was basically just me and my best friends lounging in a hotel room gossiping. The morning after, we got breakfast together, and it was totally perfect. Listening to this in the car, I didn't care how much everyone fun everyone said prom had been-- it ended up being exactly what I wanted, without me even having to go.
Graduation isn't that big of a deal anymore, is it? That's at least the impression I got from feeling like the ONLY ONE who was seriously freaking the fuck out on my last day of high school EVER. That day, I went to a middle school reunion where I was given a letter I'd written to myself four years ago-- a letter my teacher had to force me to write. My sister asked me to read it aloud in the car, and it ended up saying things I'd been needing to hear. It made me cry as I read it, made me feel so alive and eager for the future that I couldn't help but smile and cheer through our whole farewell assembly that morning. But who cares, right? I mean it's not like it meant anything anyway!
After graduation, I was lucky enough to have finally ended up with friends I want to know for the rest of my life. This was a recurring song throughout the year, and apparently even before then; an ending to a happy first road trip together as adults.
My friends and I danced to this during my first (of many) game of quarters, and it totally became a theme. Hell, we were even going to use it as the chorus for a dirty Christmas song we wrote together (long story, the real chorus is WAY better). This song is every fun thing I did all summer-- maybe all year!
Discovering the power and repercussions of my body; the soundtrack to a night that, despite its messy aftermath, I reflect on pretty happily.
Failing my driving test for the FIFTH TIME (go ahead and laugh, HELLO WORLD, THIS IS ME, etc.) and seeing its application to the rest of my life.
After starting college, I was a bit on edge, what with my sister still being around. I was always preparing myself for the day she'd leave, the day I kept thinking I would just dissolve. I remember freaking out in the car, telling her how afraid I was as this played, only to go back in my room and cry alone. She left. Nothing happened.
In fact, I've been doing just fine on my own.
When my sister came home, we went on a drive together to look at Christmas lights. This started playing and I just kept thinking about how much it applied to her. She'd been gone for three months and everything had changed, and I just kept thinking about how badly I wanted to be in her shoes, how much I wanted to leave town and come back home to change.
I have a pretty good feeling it won't be too long until I do.
Happy New Year
Y Lolita Hazed
