Monday, July 28, 2008

Rant: Anna Faris Needs to Be Taught a Lesson in Feminism

So I'm all chillin' on my couch, trying to watch some South Park and every few minutes I'm interrupted by the trailer for Anna Faris' new movie, The House Bunny. I have to turn the volume down every single time it comes on because it pisses me off so much. There is so much undeniable idiocy in it that I can't stand to look at it.

I am, with no doubt at all, a severe feminist, and like Erika also ranted not too long ago, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting your gender to be respected. I think today's perspectives of sexuality are so off that it's not even funny.
For example, we're in a period of sexual liberation, sort of. Sex is more highly tolerated these days, but because of that, 1 in every 4 teenage girls has an STD, and women are losing respect for themselves just so they will be provided with an illusion of acceptance. And not only that-- I can't stand the conception that if you lose your virginity at even 19 or so, you're a prude. Why you can't YOU be in control of what you are? I think you've got much more steez if you're respecting your body and staying in control of who comes in contact with it. There's been a syphilis outbreak in my town, and the major recipients of it have been thirteen-year-old girls. To me, that's disgusting.
I can't stand how the premise of this movie is to turn a crop of smart, beautiful girls who are fine just the way they are. Don't get me wrong, I love being a girl and God knows it's fun to let a little loose, but even some prostitutes have more class than this. I don't even know how to explain how infuriating the entire idea of this movie is to me, and I think every confident woman should be offended. It will give viewers the wrong idea-- when people are bitchy to you, you are not the problem. It is obviously them. Let them be douchebags. You can just be you, no self-exploitation required.

Am I the only one who's totally outraged?

Sunday, July 27, 2008

To-Do List: Ed Westwick

Hey, ladies! The Disco was fun, but it's good to be back. Howzit?

Okay, so I've always had this undeniable attraction to dirty boys. Dirty, disgusting boys if to whom you gave yourself, you'd feel horrible the morning after. Lotharios, you could say. I used to know a boy who would drive by and catcall me on the street. I would pretend to be offended when others were around, but I was totally victim to it. It's probably just my strong attraction to confidence, is all.
Ed Westwick is a prime example of a dirty boy. When I watched the Gossip Girl pilot and first saw him, I wasn't attracted at all. I thought he was the dude who was the bad guy from that silly Disney Channel movie Brink! (anyone else remember that?). The Playlist says he kinda looks like a pug and I believe it. But then the classic episode "Victor, Victrola" came around-- you know, when Blair did a sexy dance for him and let him take advantage of her-- and my perspective totally changed. And how hot was the morning after? "I've been playing the tape of you purring in my ear all night"? Rowr. I've had some pretty hot dreams about him whose steaminess has since been unparalleled. Mmmmm...
So the word is that Ed's kind of a douchebag (a word he apparently loves, which is cute) in real life, too, which I can totally see. I mean, come on, he told some guy at a New York bar that his kinda crappy band, The Filthy Youth, was better than most American ones (really, what kind of songwriter calls a track "Come Flash Us All Your Ladies"? I know kid's songs with better and more comprehensive titles). But nevertheless, I would totally hop on that, if only just once, and I'm excited for more Gossip Girl hotness. Apparently he hits on lots of NYC girls, which is more motivation for me to set up around there.

Confidence just gets me going.

What's the GG countdown so far? Oh yeah! Thirty-five days! Get ready!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Review: CSS "Donkey"

It's been two years since five true rebels from São Paolo stepped onto stages and told us how much they suck, immediately after which we were told to lick a woman named Lovefoxxx's art tit and to suck her art hole. These kids didn't seem like they were too tired of being sexy, but whatever they were, they certainly weren't afraid.

Since then, the members of Brazilian outfit CSS have been stunning listeners worldwide with their unabashed brand of electro-- one that made them pretty damn hard to forget. Fans were wanting more, fast, and in early 2008, CSS listened. CSS gave us a song called "Rat is Dead (Rage)", which was immediately different sounding. And upon listen of the song, you notice it's not a misnomer-- Lovefoxxx sounds angrier than ever, and for a band whose subject matter has usually varied from Paris Hilton to getting drunk, lyrics discussing a woman's abusive relationship are definitely different. CSS were back, and like every good band, they wanted us to be sure they weren't doing the same thing twice. With a new bandmate, CSS seemed like they were ready to grow up. Well... not that fast.
Upon the release of Donkey, CSS psyches us again by opening with another song about getting drunk ("Jager Yoga"), and A large portion of the less-structured in-your-face electro has died down, having been replaced by stabler rhythms and guitar-- but the spontaneity isn't gone. The albums more hard-rockin', but beats still surprise you. And that brash weirdness that made fans love them isn't gone either-- I mean, come on, they have a song called "Let's Reggae All Night" (whose sound definitely shows similar tones to the band's funky friends New Young Pony Club). But then again, the album also features songs like "Give Up" and "How I Became Paranoid". The band touches on very real matters, like sexual frustration ("Beautiful Song"); wanting to escape ("Left Behind"); wanting to be loved, no matter what it'd require ("I Fly") and of course, growing up.
One listen to Donkey makes it evident how much this album seems to be about that pivotal transition from reckless youth into true adulthood. You still go out and get drunk, but you've gotta be careful with your money so you can pay rent. You've gotta be more careful about everything. There's pressure to settle down, to grow up. Things get lonely and, worst of all, very boring. The kids in CSS just don't seem like people who get bored. So instead of getting bored in this transition, they sat and thought. It's a time when you've got to ask yourself a lot of questions, and the passage of time increases the pressure to come up with answers fast.
But the group seems to be handling this just fine. Thanks to those inevitable questions our heroes tackled, CSS is ready to show the world that they really are a substantial band, and they, too, can be taken seriously-- and make us dance at the same time.
Now that's talent.

Donkey hits the UK today and crosses our side of the Atlantic tomorrow.
As promised, get a full listen now on their MySpace until then.

*Bow now now now now* Jump on it, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it!

Hey kids! I've got my first guest-blogging stint at Do it at the Disco!
It'll be a real party, just like Norman's wedding reception (pictured above)-- except it probably didn't last seven days, so suck it, Norman!
I might not be posting on here as much as I normally do because of this-- but that isn't a promise. I'll probably still be around here, so expect twice the juice in one squeeze!

I'll be there starting today and up to the 27th.
C'mon children, and check it out!

Download: Switch "A Bit Patchy (M.I.A. Version)"

Sunday, July 20, 2008


Poor blog of mine, I should change its name to Samantha Baker, AKA Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles because I'm basically the dumb parents she has in that movie.
I've been writing in this blog for a year since last week and forgot! And you know, what a year it's been. Ooh, and I have an audience now! I used to not! So if my blog had a birthday cake, I'd have to give extra fat pieces to everyone who's commented on this joint, including my beloved first-ever commenter Pinky, some person with a self-defense website, some Portuguese people, my Peach Pit ladies Erika and Valentina, and everybody else who's ever given this little blog a chance. Without you kids, it'd be pretty depressing! Cuz, you know, you'd just be blogging to yourself...
So, 'ole bloggy, you're a year old and the popular boy finally noticed you and got you a cake! But don't just sit there and let the wax drip onto the pretty frosting. Make a wish! I know what mine'll be...

Cheers, kids. The cake wouldn't taste nearly as sweet without you. [Insert cheesy anecdote about friendship and such]

Y Lolita Hazed

Saturday, July 19, 2008

eBay's Most Wanted: Mad Love

Ladies and gentlemen, I am a nerd, and I'm proud. Being one is so much fun that I feel really sorry for people who aren't. The feeling of nirvana that comes from seeing rare nerd paraphernalia is enough to transform you into that nerd from those Archie Comics or something like that.

I have a crazy obsession with Gotham City's premier botanical femme fatale, Poison Ivy, and so I was naturally lead to fall head-over-heels for her chosen partner-in-crime, the divine Harley Quinn. Who couldn't love her? She's hot, has a wicked sense of humor (no pun intended), is totally weird and highly dangerous. Before she and Ivy were giving Batman and Gotham a run for their money, she was a former-psychiatrist turned the Joker's most lethal weapon. Fortunately for Harley, being an opening act wasn't her thing.
But you do crazy things when you're in love, and if anyone knows that, it's Harley. Girl broke the Joker out of Arkham Asylum and changed her entire life for the guy, but the douche showed his thanks by abusing her constantly, eventually strapping her to a rocket (which lead to her fateful meeting with Poison Ivy). Even if poor Harley's love life has been rocky, hers and the Joker's sordid romance is definitely one of the most interesting love stories in fiction, and no doubt at the top of that of graphic fiction. This is why I so badly want the Batman Adventures issue that became a cult classic: Mad Love, which chronicles Harley's origin, her life at home and the throes of her romance with the Joker.
This is fortunately hella relevant today too, considering The Dark Knight just came out yesterday and all Joker fans should know Harley. I've seen previews for this comic on a Harley Quinn fansite and I've really got to have this shit. Harley slept her way through med school? Um, totally didn't know! Must-see!
And I could know even more if I could get my hands on this, moreso for a good price: I've seen it priced around $50 on eBay!
But I want it.
And someday, I will have it.
And you can too, you know, if you're willing to drop the dough.
Peep some scenes from Mad Love here. If you're as big of a nerd as I am, you'll want it, too!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

New York, I love you, but you're bringing me down (again).

A few months ago I saw Sarah Morrison post on the Missbehave blog that Topshop was coming to New York. It almost seemed too good to be true-- I wasn't sure if I believed it because it was one sentence, and, having been brainwashed by my school and the neverending use of MLA citations, I have a hard time believing things when sources go uncited. They did. I continued to live. I got to go to Topshop in Tokyo and at it was enough for me.

So I'm subscribed to the Topshop newsletter, of course, and my disbelief was suspended.
Topshop's coming to Broadway and Broome, which happens to be in the proximity of one of my favorite shopping areas in the world. I'm incredibly jealous, not to mention they're throwing a bunch of parties at McCarren Park Pool to celebrate!

Topshop NYC Party Line-Up:
7/20: The Liars, Fuck Buttons, Team Robespierre
7/27: MGMT*, Black Moth Super Rainbow, The Ting Tings
8/3: Black Lips, Deerhunter, King Kahn & His Shrines, Tall Firs
8/10: TBA
8/17: Aesop Rock, Panther, TBA
8/24: TBA

I'm all for MGMT, The Ting Tings and the Black Lips so I'm especially jealous in those parts.
But you know, this is all quite interesting-- one look at the Topshop New York website is enough to tell you that I guess Topshop is really fascinated with Brooklyn hipsters, which is a little disconcerting. I've never even been to Brooklyn and I'm kinda done with Brooklyn hipsters.

P.S. Fifi Chachnil is designing a cheap lingerie line for Topshop. Reeaalllly excited. Must get! Can't let it slide like I did with the Mimi Holliday x Topshop line!

In other news, Pocky is delicious, and I'm glad I have some.
Y Lolita Hazed

*Live the dream, Valentina. Go and seduce Andrew VanWyngarden for me.

"Becoming a vegetable was out of the question."

(Title taken from Persepolis, which is amazing and everyone should read, oh please!)
I know I usually write about entertainment and culture-related steez in this thing, but something's bugging me and I figure, hey, why not pull a Sarah Morrison?

Look, don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with drugs. I'm all for legalization and freedom of consciousness, and substance use can really help certain people and create good things and whatnot.
I just get really pissed at off at the pretension their existence gives people. For example, there's this guy that I'd liked since spring. He always seemed so smart, confident, so sure of who he was. He and I have gotten pretty close over the past few months and I've been spending a lot, a lot of time with him.

So then I leave for Japan. I'm gone for 12 days, and come back and he looks different and seems different. He comes to my house and we make food and listen to Pink Floyd and he tells me how good it sounds when you're high. He's always been a pretty damn clean kid and I was a little weirded-out. I was all, "Um, how do you know?"
"Because I was listening to it while I was high."
I didn't want to say anything else because I guess I didn't want to let him know how disappointed I was in him. I have plenty of friends who do drugs and I'm A-okay with it, but it seemed so much like it was brought up for show and I was disgusted by this. And it was so cliche-- I'm going to get high and listen to Pink Floyd? I was totally disillusioned. But that night, he came over and we sat on the couch and talked about everything. I felt like he wasn't such a douchebag after all.
But tonight I was chillin' over coffee with a bunch of people, and he shows up with this entirely different persona. He was acting like a pretentious asshole, and of course he started talking about drugs again.
I was like, okay, what the hell? I've seen so many people talk about drugs like it makes them so special. People wear it on their sleeves and talk about it. I'd prefer that all be a private affair-- kind of like, say, going to the bathroom. You do it in private, but you don't really talk about it, and of course, you don't let it change you.
I'm just sick of people smoking and toking for show. If your heart's in something, go on ahead (unless you're Amy Winehouse), but if it's just to feel special, I don't get it.
God, I hate high school. I'm sick of being surrounded by teenage identity crises and people contradicting themselves because they're insecure. I'm ready to meet people who know who they are and like a guy who I don't feel is full of shit and lacking integrity.
Well, one more year. Sigh.

Us ladies need to get personal too.

Monday, July 14, 2008

What's your summer jam?

Summer is a beautiful thing-- I forget that. It's the only time of year where you can fall asleep in the sunshine and not worry about when you wake up (unless you have a job). It might be a sticky, remotely gross season, but thank God for it.
Shoegaze is one of the most perfect subgenres for summertime-- it's chill, trippy and unforgettably beautiful when at its best. Chapterhouse's underrated classic Whirlpool is a great example-- even the album's title is chilly and comfortable, which leads me to my summer jam: "Mesmerise".
*Sigh*, this song is so good for chilling that I don't even know. This song was made for chillin', and that's evident in the awesomely cheesy chlorine-soaked video for it. Watch it, and you'll want to go swimming!
Damn, I know I do.

Download: Chapterhouse "Mesmerise"

Now what's your summer jam, kids?

I hate New York: A Lolita Hazed Rant

All right, so anyone who knows me knows that the title is a complete and total lie.
But here's what I do hate.

So if you're cool and also indigenous to New York, much my like my girl Valentina, you probably know that Central Park Summerstage is huge, and that next weekend, hipster hip-hop titans like Diplo, A-Trak and Plastic Little are hitting it up.
My other girl Erika was blogging about the Diplo show she hit last night and the comments? Enough to kill me. Why? Because everyone's all talking about the upcoming Summerstage concert...

...and my sister's going.
I want to smack her.

Yeah, yeah, so I did go to Europe without her. Big whoop. Meh meh. I'm still jealous.
But you know, I don't think we're even yet, though. She went to China for three weeks this fall. I've gotta find something to even the score!

Ratatat's coming to my fair city in September, so it might make me feel better about my life in music.
Anyways, I'm done now.
(This has been a Lolita Hazed Rant, stay tuned after these [nonexistent] messages.)

Friday, July 11, 2008


All right kids. Time to freak out (le freak, c'est chic)!
Y'know, thank GOD I'm signed up for CSS's newsletter, right? So GET what I just found in my mail.

Hey guys and geis!
We're all really happy to finally put out a new record! For us is really refreshing and nice and amazing and super LA awesome to have new stuff to play on shows.
Of course, it would be even more LA awesome if you all love it, which is why we're having a listening party on from Monday so you can listen to it first hand and love it!
We hope you like it and have fun.
The record is really good to clean your house while you listen to it.
Thanks for all the support!

Ummmm... you heard them!! Donkey listening party on MySpace? Monday?! Freak OUT!
See you kids in America!
Y Lolita Hazed

Humbert Hazed: Nick Cave

New column, I decided! I think it'll be sort of in the vein of Mary H.K. Choi's "DILF Hunter" column, but, you know, with the ones she will probably never write about. I may be too old to be a nymphet by Nabokov's strict defintion, but hey, there are plenty of men who are unfortunately married with children that I pine for. So, starting it off...

I think Nick Cave could really do anything and I'd still be, in the words of Jonah Hill's immortal Superbad persona, DTF. Really, fuck what he says in "No Pussy Blues". It's not just that the man is a modern-day poet, one of the most creative men in entertainment today, and that he's totally still foxy at 50-- I have never seen anyone brood like him. Ever.
If I were Nick's Lolita, I can't even think of what would result from it. Remember the late '90s couple that was Nick and my idol PJ Harvey? After they broke up, he pretty much wrote a whole freaking album about her (and heroin), and a lot of people believe it (The Boatman's Call) is his masterpiece.
The man's happily married and has twins who will grow up and be pretty foxy but probably won't compare. If I ever grew up to snag either one of them, I'd probably be thinking of their father the whole time, which is creepy, and they'd probably file restraining orders or something, and I'd never get to see my dear Humbert again. So it'd be best for me to stay away.

But still, Nick, all things considered, think about it. And you don't have to read me Eliot or Yeats, try your best to stay up late, or fix the hinges on my gate-- I'll still want to.
...if you get rid of that moustache. Please?

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Around the World: Harajuku Lovers

You know what sucks? When you really want to find something, but directions are tough shit, so you never can. I went to Harajuku twice to try and find paragon of awesomeness Faline, and failed twice. Only last night was the love discovered and realized.

I adore Faline. It shouldn't be missed, but the store is so damn hard to find that it usually is.
Foxy lingerie (Kiki de Montparnasse, anyone?)? Vintage designer stuff? One-of-a-kind Fafi goods and killer backissues of the bombest magazines this side of the Pacific? Swear I'm in love. This store is so bomb it should be outlawed or something. I was so glad to find it.
I almost didn't. I almost gave up. Don't be like me! Let me help you:

Finding Faline 101
1. Walk straight from Harajuku station to Jingumae until you see Gap.
2. Walk down the street past LaForet.
3. Keep going until you hit Takeshita.
4. Keep going on Takeshita! Don't give up! Pass the mall and keep looking to the left until you see the sign that says "Bambi + Faline".
5. Turn left, look for intense pink, and there you are!
Hopefully, it won't take you three visits, like it did me. This shit is so bomb. Highly recommended.
P.S. Keep on the lookout on July 21st! I start guest-blogging for the hella, hella tight lady Erika of Do it at the Disco! Check out starting Sunday too where fellow Peach Pit babe Valentina guest-blogs ;-)

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

To-Do List: Joseph Gordon-Levitt

You know when you ask people what they want to do with their lives and whatnot? Some will say, "I wanna win an Oscar" or "I'll be a fireman" and stuff like that. Well, not me-- my life has a plain and simple goal: bed Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I've been thinking about it since I saw his article in a back-issue of Nylon at some bookstore here in Japan. I've always had a super-huge crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt, especially since Brick, but I've had two or three months of ambivalence. I thought I didn't like him anymore because Toby Keith showed up on his iTunes celebrity playlist and was gonna move on to the similar looking Andrew VanWyngarden of MGMT-- but he's really no match for my one true love. My confusion has faded. MGMT is too famous anyway so he's probably a douchebag.
I was walking through the streets of Yamakura today and started devising a plan. I will try and somehow interview him, and when we talk, he'll be captivated by my off-color charm. Tension would grow, and sooner or later, we would fuck like depraved schoolchildren. If that doesn't work, I'll move to Plan B and somehow "accidentally bump into him" where he's shooting some movie. I'd apologize to him in French, he'd think it was sexy, and hey, all downhill from there.
This sucks. No man will ever match up to the feelings Joseph Gordon-Levitt gives me. Sigh.
He'll see, someday. Just you wait, I will entrap him.

Help me here,
Y Lolita Hazed (fuck, I'm not even legal. For the first time ever, this blog's name doesn't feel like a misnomer)

Monday, July 7, 2008

Around the World: Meguro, Japan

I'm not gonna lie-- I've been feeling hella out of place here in Tokyo. I'm used to big crowds, but not knowing a country's language makes things damn hard. When you're stressed, it's kinda hard to remember you're supposed to come home with inspiration and whatnot. You forget to breathe and use your brain, which, you know, would kill you.

Today we took a train to Meguro, which was so refreshing that I can't even explain it.
It's one of the quietest parts of Tokyo I've seen-- it's small, safe and hella tight. There's more to do here than meets the eye.
First of all, there are amazing thrift stores here. We came across a really great one called Anypenny*, where there was all this really amazing discount designer stuff in great conditions-- I found Cheap Monday, Kate Moss Topshop, Vivienne Westwood Anglomania, Narciso Rodriguez, Tsumori Chisato... list goes on. Absolutely amazing. Also you can get some bomb hard-to-find Japanese editions of your favorite vinyls and CD's at Satellite*, right next door.
My favorite place was the posh hotel Claska, which really helped to clear the ole brain palate. Come in and drink tea (or the mango juice, which is expensive, but so worth it), have some fancy dessert and listen to some great music (I took notes). I highly recommend sitting in the lobby and peeking their totally bomb-ass selection of back-issues of Japanese magazines like the totally badass, but now-defunct Relax, which felt like dipping my head in inspiration juice. And the gallery? So many really, really exciting artists. Damn, do I recommend that shit.
So overall, it's a tiny district that shouldn't be overlooked. Like I said, more to do than you'd think.
And best of all, you'll remember to breathe.
1-3-18 Chuo-cho
Meguro-ku, Tokyo
*Sorry I don't have the addresses for Satellite or Anypenny. Just make your way from the train station to Claska, and you'll probably find it. If you don't, there's still several other gems to hit up-- I'm just providing some brill examples. Happy hunting!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Boredom Combat: July Edition Begins!

Remember kids, if you're bored, there's still plenty to do this summer, regardless of where you are. Another month is gone, everyone have fun in June?
July'll kick even more ass.
Here's what we've got coming up:

3: Highly-buzzed and critically-acclaimed dark comedy The Wackness hits New York and Los Angeles theaters today.
8: The Los Angeles Zoo stays up late tonight. Come for the tropical atmosphere, stay for the Latin/Jazz music. (Los Angeles, CA)
9: For those who miss the summer of love, don't miss a free performance of the classic hippie musical Hair! at the Theory flagship store at the corner of Greenwich and Gansevoort. (New York, NY)
11: Journey to the Center of the Earth comes out... in 3D! Come on kids, do you have anything better to do?
12: Missbehave hosts another fab party! This time, come down to Union Pool and watch Nina Sky, Queen Majesty and Radio Rose, not to mention get cheap beer, free tacos and some Nikita swag. (Brooklyn, NY)
17: FIB (Festival Interacional de Benicassim) begins! Get that weekend in Madrid started out right! Prepare to catch musical vets like Siouxsie Sioux, Morrissey, Spiritualized, and at long last, the triumphant return of My Bloody Valentine. (Madrid, Spain)
18: The Dark Knight finally flies into theaters! Come to the midnight show and dress up, and don't forget to have fun!
19: The Pitchfork Music Festival rolls into its second day. From here to the 20th, bands like Animal Collective, Jarvis Cocker, !!!, Spiritualized, Bon Iver and El Guincho will play. (Chicago, IL)
22: The Los Angeles Zoo stays up late again! This time, check out World Music Night. (Los Angeles, CA)
25: D-Fest begins, and it's bigger than last year! Come here to see acts like The Roots, The Disco Biscuits, Phantom Planet, Apples in Stereo and a cavalcade of celebrated local acts like Callupsie and Here is There. (Tulsa, OK)
26: Studio B hosts the Desilicious Bollyburg Bash! Prepare for Bollywood to invade Williamsburg. Ashu, DJ Bobby and DJ Ipek will spin. (Brooklyn, NY)

...and definitely more to come! Stay safe, kids, and have an awesome Independence Day!


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