Thursday, July 17, 2008

"Becoming a vegetable was out of the question."

(Title taken from Persepolis, which is amazing and everyone should read, oh please!)
I know I usually write about entertainment and culture-related steez in this thing, but something's bugging me and I figure, hey, why not pull a Sarah Morrison?

Look, don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with drugs. I'm all for legalization and freedom of consciousness, and substance use can really help certain people and create good things and whatnot.
I just get really pissed at off at the pretension their existence gives people. For example, there's this guy that I'd liked since spring. He always seemed so smart, confident, so sure of who he was. He and I have gotten pretty close over the past few months and I've been spending a lot, a lot of time with him.

So then I leave for Japan. I'm gone for 12 days, and come back and he looks different and seems different. He comes to my house and we make food and listen to Pink Floyd and he tells me how good it sounds when you're high. He's always been a pretty damn clean kid and I was a little weirded-out. I was all, "Um, how do you know?"
"Because I was listening to it while I was high."
I didn't want to say anything else because I guess I didn't want to let him know how disappointed I was in him. I have plenty of friends who do drugs and I'm A-okay with it, but it seemed so much like it was brought up for show and I was disgusted by this. And it was so cliche-- I'm going to get high and listen to Pink Floyd? I was totally disillusioned. But that night, he came over and we sat on the couch and talked about everything. I felt like he wasn't such a douchebag after all.
But tonight I was chillin' over coffee with a bunch of people, and he shows up with this entirely different persona. He was acting like a pretentious asshole, and of course he started talking about drugs again.
I was like, okay, what the hell? I've seen so many people talk about drugs like it makes them so special. People wear it on their sleeves and talk about it. I'd prefer that all be a private affair-- kind of like, say, going to the bathroom. You do it in private, but you don't really talk about it, and of course, you don't let it change you.
I'm just sick of people smoking and toking for show. If your heart's in something, go on ahead (unless you're Amy Winehouse), but if it's just to feel special, I don't get it.
God, I hate high school. I'm sick of being surrounded by teenage identity crises and people contradicting themselves because they're insecure. I'm ready to meet people who know who they are and like a guy who I don't feel is full of shit and lacking integrity.
Well, one more year. Sigh.

Us ladies need to get personal too.


Valentina said...

Ugh, I so agree with you here. All my stupid high school friends were always bringing up their drug usage just for show. Like the fact that they needed to constantly prove that they were cool by talking about it totally sketched me out. Especially when they came to school high, and tried to make it into this big dramatic deal, when really it was just so lame and stupid. Don't worry though, senior year goes by really fast, and then you'll be out of there.

Erika said...

Damn! V's been beating me to everyone on my blogroll this morning!
But hells yeah girl, people in HS do so much just for show, just to belong, just to be liked, just to be cool, stupid reasons that seem so important then. But you can't let it get to you. I got so stir crazy in HS that by senior yr, I was ready to just drop out. I couldn't stand how people were so fake and manipulative and stupid and vapid and soulless and focused purely on college. Usually the people who talk about how much they do drugs don't really do them that much, they just want to fit in. I know this because I hung out with potheads and they rarely ever talked about drugs unless someone else brought it up first. They were actually really cool people. But yeah, HS can really drive you crazy, but this last year will fly by, like V said, so try and enjoy it because once it's over, it's over.

Valentina said...

Oh and I loove Persepolis. Sorry, I just wanted to say that. Totally amazing!

lolitahazed said...

God, you ladies are so fly in every way, I can't take it.


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