Wednesday, July 9, 2008

To-Do List: Joseph Gordon-Levitt

You know when you ask people what they want to do with their lives and whatnot? Some will say, "I wanna win an Oscar" or "I'll be a fireman" and stuff like that. Well, not me-- my life has a plain and simple goal: bed Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I've been thinking about it since I saw his article in a back-issue of Nylon at some bookstore here in Japan. I've always had a super-huge crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt, especially since Brick, but I've had two or three months of ambivalence. I thought I didn't like him anymore because Toby Keith showed up on his iTunes celebrity playlist and was gonna move on to the similar looking Andrew VanWyngarden of MGMT-- but he's really no match for my one true love. My confusion has faded. MGMT is too famous anyway so he's probably a douchebag.
I was walking through the streets of Yamakura today and started devising a plan. I will try and somehow interview him, and when we talk, he'll be captivated by my off-color charm. Tension would grow, and sooner or later, we would fuck like depraved schoolchildren. If that doesn't work, I'll move to Plan B and somehow "accidentally bump into him" where he's shooting some movie. I'd apologize to him in French, he'd think it was sexy, and hey, all downhill from there.
This sucks. No man will ever match up to the feelings Joseph Gordon-Levitt gives me. Sigh.
He'll see, someday. Just you wait, I will entrap him.

Help me here,
Y Lolita Hazed (fuck, I'm not even legal. For the first time ever, this blog's name doesn't feel like a misnomer)


Valentina said...

Haha, hey peach pit friend!! Joseph Gordon Levitt is soo hot, and as one underage girl to another I feel your pain. Unfortunately, I'm totally in love with Andrew VanWyngarden of MGMT. He's like a physical representation of my perfect boy, douchbaginess be damned.


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