I hate New York: A Lolita Hazed Rant

All right, so anyone who knows me knows that the title is a complete and total lie.
But here's what I do hate.

So if you're cool and also indigenous to New York, much my like my girl Valentina, you probably know that Central Park Summerstage is huge, and that next weekend, hipster hip-hop titans like Diplo, A-Trak and Plastic Little are hitting it up.

My other girl Erika was blogging about the Diplo show she hit last night and the comments? Enough to kill me. Why? Because everyone's all talking about the upcoming Summerstage concert...

...and my sister's going.

I want to smack her.

Yeah, yeah, so I did go to Europe without her. Big whoop. Meh meh. I'm still jealous.

But you know, I don't think we're even yet, though. She went to China for three weeks this fall. I've gotta find something to even the score!

Ratatat's coming to my fair city in September, so it might make me feel better about my life in music.

Anyways, I'm done now.

(This has been a Lolita Hazed Rant, stay tuned after these [nonexistent] messages.)

HEY GUYTHS!

All right kids. Time to freak out (le freak, c'est chic)!
Y'know, thank GOD I'm signed up for CSS's newsletter, right? So GET what I just found in my mail.

Hey guys and geis!
We're all really happy to finally put out a new record! For us is really refreshing and nice and amazing and super LA awesome to have new stuff to play on shows.
Of course, it would be even more LA awesome if you all love it, which is why we're having a listening party on MySpace.com from Monday so you can listen to it first hand and love it!
We hope you like it and have fun.
The record is really good to clean your house while you listen to it.
Thanks for all the support!
CSS

Ummmm... you heard them!! Donkey listening party on MySpace? Monday?! Freak OUT!

See you kids in America!

Y Lolita Hazed

Humbert Hazed: Nick Cave

New column, I decided! I think it'll be sort of in the vein of Mary H.K. Choi's "DILF Hunter" column, but, you know, with the ones she will probably never write about. I may be too old to be a nymphet by Nabokov's strict defintion, but hey, there are plenty of men who are unfortunately married with children that I pine for. So, starting it off...

I think Nick Cave could really do anything and I'd still be, in the words of Jonah Hill's immortal Superbad persona, DTF. Really, fuck what he says in "No Pussy Blues". It's not just that the man is a modern-day poet, one of the most creative men in entertainment today, and that he's totally still foxy at 50-- I have never seen anyone brood like him. Ever.

If I were Nick's Lolita, I can't even think of what would result from it. Remember the late '90s couple that was Nick and my idol PJ Harvey? After they broke up, he pretty much wrote a whole freaking album about her (and heroin), and a lot of people believe it (The Boatman's Call) is his masterpiece.
The man's happily married and has twins who will grow up and be pretty foxy but probably won't compare. If I ever grew up to snag either one of them, I'd probably be thinking of their father the whole time, which is creepy, and they'd probably file restraining orders or something, and I'd never get to see my dear Humbert again. So it'd be best for me to stay away.

But still, Nick, all things considered, think about it. And you don't have to read me Eliot or Yeats, try your best to stay up late, or fix the hinges on my gate-- I'll still want to.

...if you get rid of that moustache. Please?

Around the World: Harajuku Lovers

You know what sucks? When you really want to find something, but directions are tough shit, so you never can. I went to Harajuku twice to try and find paragon of awesomeness Faline, and failed twice. Only last night was the love discovered and realized.

I adore Faline. It shouldn't be missed, but the store is so damn hard to find that it usually is.
Foxy lingerie (Kiki de Montparnasse, anyone?)? Vintage designer stuff? One-of-a-kind Fafi goods and killer backissues of the bombest magazines this side of the Pacific? Swear I'm in love. This store is so bomb it should be outlawed or something. I was so glad to find it.

I almost didn't. I almost gave up. Don't be like me! Let me help you:

Finding Faline 101

1. Walk straight from Harajuku station to Jingumae until you see Gap.

2. Walk down the street past LaForet.

3. Keep going until you hit Takeshita.

4. Keep going on Takeshita! Don't give up! Pass the mall and keep looking to the left until you see the sign that says "Bambi + Faline".

5. Turn left, look for intense pink, and there you are!

Hopefully, it won't take you three visits, like it did me. This shit is so bomb. Highly recommended.

P.S. Keep on the lookout on July 21st! I start guest-blogging for the hella, hella tight lady Erika of Do it at the Disco! Check out starting Sunday too where fellow Peach Pit babe Valentina guest-blogs ;-)

To-Do List: Joseph Gordon-Levitt

You know when you ask people what they want to do with their lives and whatnot? Some will say, "I wanna win an Oscar" or "I'll be a fireman" and stuff like that. Well, not me-- my life has a plain and simple goal: bed Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I've been thinking about it since I saw his article in a back-issue of Nylon at some bookstore here in Japan. I've always had a super-huge crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt, especially since Brick, but I've had two or three months of ambivalence. I thought I didn't like him anymore because Toby Keith showed up on his iTunes celebrity playlist and was gonna move on to the similar looking Andrew VanWyngarden of MGMT-- but he's really no match for my one true love. My confusion has faded. MGMT is too famous anyway so he's probably a douchebag.

I was walking through the streets of Yamakura today and started devising a plan. I will try and somehow interview him, and when we talk, he'll be captivated by my off-color charm. Tension would grow, and sooner or later, we would fuck like depraved schoolchildren. If that doesn't work, I'll move to Plan B and somehow "accidentally bump into him" where he's shooting some movie. I'd apologize to him in French, he'd think it was sexy, and hey, all downhill from there.

This sucks. No man will ever match up to the feelings Joseph Gordon-Levitt gives me. Sigh.

He'll see, someday. Just you wait, I will entrap him.

Help me here,

Y Lolita Hazed (fuck, I'm not even legal. For the first time ever, this blog's name doesn't feel like a misnomer)

Around the World: Meguro, Japan

I'm not gonna lie-- I've been feeling hella out of place here in Tokyo. I'm used to big crowds, but not knowing a country's language makes things damn hard. When you're stressed, it's kinda hard to remember you're supposed to come home with inspiration and whatnot. You forget to breathe and use your brain, which, you know, would kill you.

Today we took a train to Meguro, which was so refreshing that I can't even explain it.

It's one of the quietest parts of Tokyo I've seen-- it's small, safe and hella tight. There's more to do here than meets the eye.

First of all, there are amazing thrift stores here. We came across a really great one called Anypenny*, where there was all this really amazing discount designer stuff in great conditions-- I found Cheap Monday, Kate Moss Topshop, Vivienne Westwood Anglomania, Narciso Rodriguez, Tsumori Chisato... list goes on. Absolutely amazing. Also you can get some bomb hard-to-find Japanese editions of your favorite vinyls and CD's at Satellite*, right next door.
My favorite place was the posh hotel Claska, which really helped to clear the ole brain palate. Come in and drink tea (or the mango juice, which is expensive, but so worth it), have some fancy dessert and listen to some great music (I took notes). I highly recommend sitting in the lobby and peeking their totally bomb-ass selection of back-issues of Japanese magazines like the totally badass, but now-defunct Relax, which felt like dipping my head in inspiration juice. And the gallery? So many really, really exciting artists. Damn, do I recommend that shit.
So overall, it's a tiny district that shouldn't be overlooked. Like I said, more to do than you'd think.

And best of all, you'll remember to breathe.

ADDRESS BOOK: MEGURO

Claska

1-3-18 Chuo-cho

Meguro-ku, Tokyo

*Sorry I don't have the addresses for Satellite or Anypenny. Just make your way from the train station to Claska, and you'll probably find it. If you don't, there's still several other gems to hit up-- I'm just providing some brill examples. Happy hunting!

Boredom Combat: July Edition Begins!

Remember kids, if you're bored, there's still plenty to do this summer, regardless of where you are. Another month is gone, everyone have fun in June?
July'll kick even more ass.
Here's what we've got coming up:

3: Highly-buzzed and critically-acclaimed dark comedy The Wackness hits New York and Los Angeles theaters today.
8: The Los Angeles Zoo stays up late tonight. Come for the tropical atmosphere, stay for the Latin/Jazz music. (Los Angeles, CA)
9: For those who miss the summer of love, don't miss a free performance of the classic hippie musical Hair! at the Theory flagship store at the corner of Greenwich and Gansevoort. (New York, NY)
11: Journey to the Center of the Earth comes out... in 3D! Come on kids, do you have anything better to do?
12: Missbehave hosts another fab party! This time, come down to Union Pool and watch Nina Sky, Queen Majesty and Radio Rose, not to mention get cheap beer, free tacos and some Nikita swag. (Brooklyn, NY)
17: FIB (Festival Interacional de Benicassim) begins! Get that weekend in Madrid started out right! Prepare to catch musical vets like Siouxsie Sioux, Morrissey, Spiritualized, and at long last, the triumphant return of My Bloody Valentine. (Madrid, Spain)
18: The Dark Knight finally flies into theaters! Come to the midnight show and dress up, and don't forget to have fun!
19: The Pitchfork Music Festival rolls into its second day. From here to the 20th, bands like Animal Collective, Jarvis Cocker, !!!, Spiritualized, Bon Iver and El Guincho will play. (Chicago, IL)
22: The Los Angeles Zoo stays up late again! This time, check out World Music Night. (Los Angeles, CA)
25: D-Fest begins, and it's bigger than last year! Come here to see acts like The Roots, The Disco Biscuits, Phantom Planet, Apples in Stereo and a cavalcade of celebrated local acts like Callupsie and Here is There. (Tulsa, OK)
26: Studio B hosts the Desilicious Bollyburg Bash! Prepare for Bollywood to invade Williamsburg. Ashu, DJ Bobby and DJ Ipek will spin. (Brooklyn, NY)

...and definitely more to come! Stay safe, kids, and have an awesome Independence Day!