Sunday, December 14, 2008

Sarah attempts to sit back and relax as fear mercilessly devours her entrails

This is a Big. Fucking. Week. I could not be any more afraid. Why?

  1. I'm supposed to find out whether or not I get into my top college tomorrow. Through a letter. To say I'm on edge would be an understatement.
  2. This is the last week of my semester and I'm scared shitless of my status in Calculus and, um, ART. Yes, you read correctly-- art, the class everyone is supposed to get an A in, regardless of perceived skill level. Shit, nobody has an A in that class.
  3. FINALS. In the words of Rachel Zoe, I die. But not in a good way.

I know I'm supposed to be *so* fortunate to go to a Top 100 high school (which I am, don't get me wrong)-- it's just that it's kind of killing me. My friend's brother went to MIT and he said his freshman year there was easier than his senior year at MY school; how on earth so many people in my school manage to churn out 4.0's year after year beats me.
Also, I've told way too many people where I'm applying, because what else can I say? "I'm superstitious, so I'm not telling you"? I swear, if I have to tell one more person I barely know where I've applied or want to go, I will scream. (In private. Because I'm a lady.) Not only do I feel like I'm disclosing seriously intimate details to strangers-- it also makes me feel like if I don't get in, everyone will know. EVERYONE, which is a big deal, considering I've already had to deal with "so and so got into Cornell" and "so and so got into Georgetown" for a whole week as my aching brain loops "Shutupshutupshutupshutup" like a broken record.

I can't stand those judging eyes. They burn.

For the past few days, I decided that a superpower I might want is to be able to turn into a bouncy ball every time I go into fetal position. Balls don't have to eat, sleep, breathe, work for a living... they're just bounced daily by adorable children. That's a fun existence in my book.


Elizabeth said...

This is so exactly how I feel right now. <3!

Valentina said...

Good luck good luck good luck! At everything. Don't worry I was super superstitious about telling people where I was applying last year. I still refuse to tell anyone about 80% of the schools I applied. As far as anyone knows, I only applied to Pomona...

And finals. Blerrg. Death has become me. I am sitting in the library right now and have not moved for about 5 hours. I do not plan on moving until sometime thursday night when all this nightmarishness will be over. Trust me, this whole college thing is SO not worth all the stress.

Lolita Hazed said...

At least you get puppies. That would make me happy in spite of work.
(You have to take pictures, BTW.)

Lolita Hazed said...

And thank you, darling :-)

Erika said...

I promise you're going to be okay Sarah. I really do. If you find yourself hoping for the best but expecting the worst, you'll be pleasantly surprised. That sounds like awful advice, but I went into the college apps process expecting to only get into community college and I was accepted by every school to which I applied. This is like that last tidal wave before the storm dies down. It's like that last fierce kick before the wild horse is finally tamed. It's your test (no pun intended), and if you are confident, you will pass it. And then all of this will seem small and funny.

When you're at your dream school next year, you'll be telling this story to other kids and laughing about how crazy it all drove you crazy. Take a break, breathe, and treat yourself to something fucking awesome. If your head is clear and calm, you will remember things and do fine.

This is getting to be long comment, but I went into the SATS so completely calm it was ridic. I couldn't make myself nervous. People were wringing their hands and getting anxious and I just stood there, admiring my nail polish. I got a 2080. Sometimes things just aren't as big as they seem.


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